Poem-A-Week

to all the anxious and raging women of my subconscious sky..

 

I am dizzy in a haze of rage

I am Huitzilopochtli

Pesadillas, night mirrors

pesa mucho mi Tonalli, mi día está tintada

de ira..

I dreamt I killed someone..

slitting their throat,

the blood rushed out like a river,

I dragged the body,

tossed it to the side of the front porch, where the head fell off,

gracing my shoulder,

staining it with blood,

I tossed the head separately..

 

I killed him out of defense, not malice, and without hesitation..

How does one bounce back from such an act, 

I didn’t..

Coyollotl! 

heart of Coyolxauhqui

as I recall feelings with intense heaviness,

energy weighing me down to Mictlan, 

paralyzing..stupefying like Coyolxauhqui!

 

I need rest, I need mictlan

I spoke aloud in my dream

echoing into the waking dream,

“Pa que dice que si !?”

 

yohualli mestli kochitta self! 

Let’s play a game called,

how fast can I mourn you..

get over your role in my life,

as these steps form a circle,

and my steps do not cycle back to you,

he was half in, half out, like mestli

I felt it, seeing into the obsidian, 

cold as mestli at night

the weight, the voices

 

Where are they coming from?

I felt the lust of many distant women, tzitzimime? Cihuateteotl?

Is that you?

Pulling him in all four directions,

Sensations dismembering me like Coyolxauhqui, I heard the whispers of many faceless women,

“Insecure!”,

exclaimed the classic machista

lurking subconscious! Sharp as flint! Huntress!

Can I honestly say I was surprised? to find photos and chats,

that downplayed our might,

Coyollotl! 

“There is no only”.. silly Tochtli...

Clairvoyance and audience, you say so many things, that hurt to hold,

made our ancestors sigh,

I have not recovered since our last storm, Tlalok, I have not recovered..

Stolen bones,

the urgency to hold close,

our hands,

to know what next step to take, do we bend or break? 

I become Ehecatl, In and out of your direction,

I wake and feast on anxiousness, 

blood rushing rivers in my heart, slowing down,

Ay Chalchi!

I can feel my heart closing, 

His tekpatl sharp defense, crafting the finest smoky mirror,

How easy it is to battle,

sensitivity becoming intensity I feast on his smoky lies,

my throat chokes up..

 

Tlazolteotl,

remolds me, scolds me “Chac! Look into your bowl! Awaken petite toti!”

Mehua! I am the dream champion! cogenerating experiences

and cohabiting feelings

Cohabiting worlds..

Move! Ollin!

I am the serpents that split and shift the earth's skin,

dreaming seeds in the earth,

Nerves like feathers of precious serpents, Vitality like Malinalli..

Expand me!

Slow movements, Slow responses, Growing..

and growing.. so slow,

nobody knows

no one knows..

Hair so rich, so thick, I am the coils of the earth and winds..

scavenger within, Ey, Ay ya ya, Tlazolteotl Must I have to stay to watch our garden die?

“No! We will fertilize the lies, for nothing dies, so cry

and be refreshed, transition! coily one!”

“Open your mouths and be reborn nenetl, nenepilli!” Dice Toci,

Our divine scavenger,

the scavenger within, charged

my eyes retreat, they go blank, I feast on grief,

rivers of silent tears..

I bathe and dive ako ixayotl, Itta mo!

Let the dead be dead, Axcan, transition!

the death of a life free from heaviness,

the death of a life matchless to a committed, loyal and holistic precious twin,

I have many precious twins in one,

many in one, 400 hahas 

the death of these scars of psychic intelligence, Psychic waste, “la basura no existe“

“Axcan! Let us feast!”

the battled and discarded,

Dice toci con sus kozkakuauhtli

 

Invoked by Rosatzin as an offering to Tlazolteotl.

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Completed during our Tonalpoualli year of Chic Nahui Kalli during our cycle maktlaktli yei-Ollin which is guided by divine energy Tlazolteotl.